devil's circle

daylight expletives “damn this irritable waking” insufferable

yet cosy inside the duvet’s twisted solution, bliss isn’t now

as the surface retrieves its corpse, upwards as being dragged

towards, additives and all, “what’s the fucking hell am i living

for?” “to keep etonians at their golden skulled tables?” skies

as per usual duct taped in that most miserable of greys worn

thru by many a heart, inflicts listening into downward thinking

each room knows its stale and stapled with old earrings of

the past, now is like looking thru rain, like trying to be beyond

what can never be passed, widths from the same old footsteps,

footsteps that are forgetful become lost, become gone, loss is

everywhere as time, two jaded floors down my father’s ghost

tries resitting in an unsettled chair, failure to do so will be

no other apparition, knowing the fused circle i am upon

waiting in a station appearing as blood waiting for that final train

made of pages, a lifetime half written half supposed half dread,

that kiss that never blew itself redness never grew love, dark

panes lean inwards towards where i try dreaming at being still,

a reenactment of the dead perhaps, trying to be deeply unaware

in the cotton cartoon deep dunes like refolded hills where childhood

had its fill of kites its fill of gleams, conveyor belted on dreadful circles

here then dead then brought back to relive to reclaim, to reconsider

then to die over again, circle tied to and tied down, that gnaw of

time is a foe, i am tired of seeing me slain tired of its pity, mouths

pick at to butcher, the remains of myself gone thru, a buRnt out

diminished library, gargantuan roses of discolour ages, i was never

that winged, but a line inside a globe re-follows, when can i tear up

the last day the last terrible minute? i am swallowed and quite defeated

born into this sack of carbon living, the dribble of its light, pond life

mostly in trousers, mad as hormones, plug godly into the church’s

afterlife, lunatics all of them, a slow hearse carries us all, chem-trails;

poison; convenient slaughterhouses, how do you vaccinate from the

past? all the dead pictures coalesce there are hugged there, each has

a strangle, there’ll be a vacancy to existence, when this swarm of stupids

completes extinction,  the circle to our loneliness will decease, thankfully